Why do people keep having these things made? (the 3-D ultrasound images that look like little turd humans, I’m not questioning the creation of babies themselves – i don’t want to sound anti-kid baby here all of a sudden)

Yeah, real cute baby Einstein - but you look like a mud pie.

Does it not look like a child made out of melted fudge? Have you ever played the board game Candyland? Could you imagine giving birth to this thing!?

Congratulations Mrs. Spencer - your baby is a healthy 80's pop culture reference

You could build a pueblo out of this kid.

Conception began during the Green Day set at Woodstock ’94.

Supposedly the technology is much better now, and if you have a descent enough insurance plan – your 3-D ultrasound will look like an actual real infant and not a terrifying Junior Jabba The Hut

But, a world without mud babies is a world i don’t wanna live in.

Things I Thought I Wouldn’t Like

Bridesmaids.

The reason i began writing these was based entirely on a conversation i had with my sister about this movie.  She (like so many other women in the film industry – and comedy) hark it as a ‘landmark film that shatters the glass ceiling’ (a paraphrase and reinterpretation of many of their statements – but pretty accurate) – this film will change the way they’re made!

I disagreed – but upon finding out that i hadn’t really even paid attention to the movie the first time through – the naysayers declared my opinion invalid.  (citing the fact that if the movie couldn’t capture my full attention while i sit on my couch and internet – then it wasn’t worth it’s salt, regardless of who made it)

So i watched it last night with undivided attention.

As you would expect (as stubborn as i tend to be) – my opinion has not changed.  I just can’t watch this film and think to myself – *sigh* ‘groundbreaking’.

Kristin Wiig plays your classic downtrodden yet hopeful thirty something still clamoring her way towards an epiphany.  She is cute, charming, and a passionate ‘every girl’ – totally relateable – finally women can have an honest to goodness role model they can look up to – the loud, selfish, not afraid to fart joke Wiig.

Great.

Yes, the film is touching – yes it has it’s moments where i truly laughed out loud – groundbreaking?  no.

My argument isn’t meant to be misogynistic (at least i don’t think it should be taken as such) -  but shouldn’t something be ‘new and interesting’ to be considered ‘groundbreaking’?  I understand women in comedy don’t get the respect they sometimes deserve (but, as anyone who knows anything about comedy can attest to – ANY woman with a fraction of talent in comedy (and good looks doesn’t hurt either) nowadays gets eaten up by the talent sharks the instant they show promise re: whitney).  Bridesmaids is just a re-hash of bad comedy that has been made so many times before – but, with a woman at the helm.

I understand that this movie wasn’t for ME – and i respect that.  But neither are cartoons, and i more than often LOVE those.

i thought it didn’t live up to the hype (as to be expected) – but that doesn’t mean there weren’t some redeeming qualities.  There are much worse movies out there that i have seen that never would have had the Bride shit in the street while trying on a one of a kind French designer dress.  The roommates were good for a little laugh – but the standout was really Melissa McCarthy who played the rotund ‘Chris Farley’ roll – and she was hilarious in almost every scene she was in – naturally, because that’s why she was written into the film.  The comic relief in a comedy film was the saving grace.

Lucille Ball and Roseanne Barr were ‘groundbreaking’.  They were pioneers of their craft.  They didn’t just decide to map their concept over a time tested template and call it genius.  They transformed the medium in ways that Bridesmaids can never touch.

Listen folks – kick back on a sunday night and watch Bridesmaids.  Laugh along with foul mouthed females telling you the best dick jokes you may have never heard.  Applaud as the soft, sweet smelling facade is peeled away from everything you thought occurs between friends of the female persuasion.  It’s entertaining and irreverent – but the shovels will stay on the shelves.

but maybe i’m missing something.

I generally try and take funny pictures and send them to my friends, but sometimes (most of the times)  - these pictures aren’t really that funny.  Here is a small collection of the ones I found worthy of resizing and posting.  Definitely worth the ten seconds it will take to see them (and then quickly UNsee them)

A place ladders shouldn't be: Right outside my bathroom stall

Come on, you know you'd take that picture too! Think about all that HECK!

A bathroom stall at the fair, that doesn't seem all that fair. #fatpeople'sproblems

I SWEAR i saw a cat wearing a pillbox hat, am I just crazy?

Two crappy computers might just be a #brokepeoplesproblems

Things I Thought I wouldn’t Like.

A bit of an introduction:

I’m one of those people who hates something (be it films, bands, co-workers, anything really) before i’ve really even experienced it.  You know the type, complains about how terrible (insert popular blockbuster action flick here) is going to be, then never even sees it – while continually trashing it.  Yeah, i’m one of those goons.

I have recently taken to proactively seeking out these pieces of work in order to dispel the terrible rumors that I’ve been spreading to myself about them.  Take, The Rolling Stones for instance.  The Stones are one of those bands that I decided early on i would never own an album of.

They’re too old to rock and roll, but weren’t always.  They’ve withstood the test of time and deserve a fair shake.  There has to be more depth in there than the overplayed radio hits we’ve all been subjugated to after all of these years.

But this isn’t about the Rolling Fucking Stones (it may be eventually, but that was just one of the many examples i could provide at this moment – i hold strong opinions about things i know nothing about).

This is about ALL the things that i thought i wouldn’t like.  Beginning with:

MACHETE. A Robert Rodriguez film. [full entry]