An attempt to simulate a Presidential document describing the crisis we’re all experiencing…it probably would have helped if I actually read one for authenticity…but I didn’t. (and I’m positive the president does not sign his official letters ‘The President’) Enjoy!!!
white christmas – bing crosby
a letter from the president of the united states:
I hope this holiday season has found you with warmth, joy, and positive thoughts. In the wake of the impending economic crisis we must pull from our very deepest parts to maintain an outlook of hope. We will pull ourselves from the debris of ruin, and dust ourselves off in order to move forward past this moment of darkness.
We regret to inform you that due to budget cut backs in the sleigh bell department have limited their use to practical usage only, and will unfortunately not be allowed to ring come Christmas morn. Another sacrifice we have had to incur is a decrease in snow manufacture. The labor cost required for such action, albeit stimulating to a slumped employment outlook, we haven’t made the appropriate budgetary actions to account for such a loss. The final concession we were forced to make was the tax on child laughter. After a long fought debate, and many hours deadlocked in an idealistic mind trap – we were able to come to an agreement to continue allowing the laughter, but at a cost to offset our glistening treetop deficit.
We know that purse strings are going to be pulled a little tighter come December 25, but if we remember the true spirit of the holiday, we will all make it through unscathed. Please use the voucher printed at the bottom of this letter to receive a 20% discount off any big screen you purchase through the government’s ‘Flat Screens From the Fed’ program.
Thank you, Happy Holidays, and god bless