Well, I sure am glad the Beach Boys exist. Cuz…Santa really is a bad ass if you think about it.
Santa likes to haul ass!!! He’s not up at the north pole stuffing his fat face with cookies and candy canes! He’s pumping some fucking iron and listening to motorhead! He’s got a badass tat on his right bicep of Mrs. Claus in a bikini and he struts around his place in a leather jacket with the words ‘happy hell-idays ‘ embroidered on the back. Santa doesn’t putz around in a converted Portland cutter from the Moline Plow Co., he’s got a ’58 Ford big block jacked up on a solid gold Mandt oscillator frame! ‘Rudolph’ is the NOz canisters he’s got in the back to give it a little juice when he’s feeling sleepy at the wheel.
Screw your milk and cookies, you’re lucky Santa doesn’t burn your goddamn house down!