Glee, Saved By The Bell, and Some Other Sexy Somethings On TV.

‘The hottest High School Teenagers Played By Twenty Somethings’ or ‘Which Fake Band Had The Most Potential?’

With the second season of Glee kicking off with a complete resetting of the clocks [Quinn has baby – is now captain of the cheerios, Sue and Mr. Schuester still hate each other (but are conveniently provided another antagonist which will afford them so many opportunities to team up), Rachel is still totally hot (but still a total bitch), and that kid in a wheelchair is…well…still in a wheelchair.]

So i began to take notice that these slightly older students are un-proportionately hotter and much better put together than they were last season [which is kind of off putting to be honest…a 27 year old playing a tenth grader is one thing…but a 28 year old playing an eleventh grader? I don’t think so!], and it got me thinking about all those other high school sitcoms and how these gleesters match up:

Saved By The Bell:

The seminal high school sitcom of my generation, and possibly the best by any standard was literally FULL of high school hotties. Spearheading the assault was the crowd favorite kelly kapowski played by tiffany amber thiesen [who went on to bring the average hottness up a few notches on a few major network programs including 90210] and of course Jessie ‘mamma’ spanno, who was able to clear her schedule to be the first of those girls we all saw naked ala showgirls. I seem to recall Lisa Turtle being the sleeper of the bunch, but looking back on it I can’t imagine why Zack and Slater weren’t fighting each other over the rich sassy black chick….but i guess at bayside they were all kind of rich and sassy.

But the supporting cast of women was really where the tigers shined, the most memorable being Stacy Carosi from the malibu sands resort episodes. Man was she hot, and has definitely held up over the years. There were tons more including those twins, the episodes where kelly and jessi disappeared and were replaced by that butch tom boy Tori [who was particularly hot in her own ‘im a bull dike riding a motorcycle’ kind of way], the numerous cousins, and of course….violet. And I will now prepare myself to be castrated for that last remark….but i never thought tori spelling during the Bayside years was terribly off putting….but she changed all that in 90210….offsetting anything introducing tiffani amber thiessen could do.

And ‘Friends Forever’ was easily one of the best hits created by and for a fake high school band full of fake high schoolers…RIP ‘Zack Attack’.

USA High:

Jackson Green [the fair haired prankster successfully modeled after Zack Morris] And Christian Meuller [the Austrian equivalent to A.C. Slater?] would have been the teenage hearthrobs for the ladies, while the incredibly neurotic Lauren Fontaine, the beautiful Winnie Barnes, and the appropriately British [played by an American] blonde bombshell Alexis Elliot.

Some sort of exchange program had these students going to high school at the illustrious ‘American Academy of Paris’ where a bunch of snobs could get into as much trouble as you would imagine they would if they had access to unlimited amounts of cash…and coed dormitory’s. The story lines were sappy, but the women were top notch! [and foreign, which gives it so much of that extra awesome]

No band that i could remember…but i’m sure they had discussed it at some point.

California Dreams:

I don’t remember much from this show other than I hated it. But i KNOW they had a band, and a bunch of blonde chicks which makes them completely relevant to this list.

And an extra bonus for naming the band after the name of the show.

in fact wasn’t the entire show about these jerks in a crappy band? and your typical zack morris like weasel was their manager…which actually made a lot more sense then having a dude wear leather jackets all the time…when you live next to the beach.

*Freaks And Geeks:

This is one of the shows that i’m pretty sure actually cast high school age [or at least teenagers] kids to play the roles…and…while linda cardellini and busy philipps weren’t much to look at back then [what with the army jacket, and the ‘being a dumb whore’], knowing what they and the rest of the cast has become allow this group of kids to share an ‘honorable mention’ slot on this list. Because even though their band was bad…..i mean…really bad, I don’t think they ever tried to play it off like they were any good. Because they weren’t. I mean come on, seth rogen on bass? James Franco I get, but jason segel in those shorts could have been left on the cutting room floor.

So while this list could be much longer, the third episode of Glee just finished and I can’t get that damn R.E.M. song out of my head!

So pray to grilled cheesus, and I’ll continue watching the most talented [and best looking] high schoolers on television. [to the FBI who just zeroed in on that last sentence…THEY’RE THIRTY!]

You should probably also mention that only america has the power to do this; Degrassi has the ugliest bunch of canadian teenagers anyone has ever seen. The only hot girl they ever cast had to play a model.

An update to this article…in case you were curious

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