Ohhh to be a kid again! The holidays take on a totally different meaning when you become an adult, so to capture the innocence of being a child again we write from the perspective of a child…catching his mommy making out with Santa Claus.
i saw mommy kissing santa claus – the jackson five
now, i know i’m supposed to be up sleeping in my bed. and i know you told me that santa wouldn’t come if he knew that i was awake sneaking down to share santas cookies. but he did come. and you got to see him mom!!! christmas is supposed to be for the kids, and you know this isn’t fair!!!
ok, so i saw everything..let that be known. So now here are my terms. I have no intention of telling daddy, but here are my demands:
1) unlimited access to santa’s workshop. I want to see the toys being made by the little elves and i want those toys to be MINE.
2) milk and cookies all night, EVERY night. i am unable to perform my duties as ‘captain crazy master of the unknown universe’ without them.
3) a whole bunch of carrots for Santa’s reindeer. If they’re going to be traveling back and forth all the way from the North Pole, magic or not, they’re going to get hungry.
4) an official red ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and ‘this thing’ that tells time….oooooooo.
5) i want ‘invader zim’ back on the air. it ended on a christmas episode, and it seems most appropriate to come back on one.
6) no more brussels sprouts. i know you’ve never made them, but from what i can tell on tv, no kid likes them…and so neither do i.
7) i want jason simmons from school to quit laughing so much in the back of the class. nothing is funny and his laugh is stupid and annoying and he’s just laughing because he wants to get yelled at.
8) can i wear my pee wee herman pajamas to school?
ok, so i won’t tell daddy. can we open presents now?