21 Days Til Christmas – Classic Song Interpretations

A sexy classic that makes me regret never purchasing that Santa costume a while back.

santa baby – Eartha Kitt

Well, to be put simply…women are gold digging whores.

A typical caricature of modern America women is that of the over privileged, over tan, over bearing socialite ala Paris Hilton or any number of the bottom feeders from the Jersey Shore, and this song does nothing to destroy that image.

A sexy striptease and red velvet bustier accompany the most seductive voice begging and pleading for a man, ‘santa’, to stumble into the room and throw down a stack of cash and some finely gift wrapped boxes from De Beers.  And typical of the species, she wouldn’t be happy with just ANY Corvette, it has to be blue, most likely to match the color of the blood that runs through her icy cold veins.  [upon further research, i’ve discovered much of the deoxygenated blood that carries waste away and flows through everyone’s veins will in fact typically be a shade of blue…not to be confused with the blood of the unforgiving ice queen]

And a word to anyone who feels like I’m coming down too hard on the trollop.  She has absolutely no intention of being faithful to you, and makes it quite clear she will be looking to be a very VERY naughty girl in the next coming year, regardless of your ability to ‘make it rain’.  [which, i guess earns her a point for honesty, which can be yet another terribly vacant attribute found in people these days].  I don’t even blame her for the actions she portrays.  She’s just doing what comes naturally to a decent looking, scantily clad airhead in the world of celebutantes and webcams.  Id do it too if i were a sexy skeeze and people wanted to give me stuff!

So go ahead, throw together your very best Don Draper outfit this holiday season and cast your net into that glorious pond of beautiful rainbow trout, but as the prophet Ludacris says ‘you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife’, so you just shouldn’t try.

Unless you’re rich…and into that sort of thing.