22 Days Til Christmas – Classic Song Interpretations

Weekends can be rough, but such an inspiration!!!  How did this song REALLY come about?  Read on!!!

all i want for christmas is my two front teeth – some stupid little girl

i had a friend who was riding a bike with only a front brake.  we were riding around drunk one night and as my friend was launching herself off a curb, a car pulled around the corner and she hammered on the breaks, locking up the front tire, and sending her head first over the handlebars into the street, bruising and splitting open her chin and knocking out her front left tooth.  in a pool of blood and tears, i could tell this was going to be a LONG winter.

after a tetanus shot and some pain killers…the night went quiet.  it wasn’t long until i was pestering her to say the most obnoxious tongue twisters imaginable.  I even went so far as to turn down the GPS when we would drive and have her read the directions to me instead.  After a few intentional wrong turns, she got sick of it and we drove around in silence.

and it turns out, the only solution insurance companies will pay for are shitty porcelain crowns, which eventually turn your gums black and feel like you’re chewing on cement chips for the rest of your life.  you’d think that for all the money that goes into dental procedures they could have figured out how to make something functional that looks good.  Oh wait, they have….veneers.  And insurance doesn’t cover them.  Fuck insurance companies.

so if you’re feeling generous this holiday season, and you value beautiful smiles, email us at downinthewell@gmail.com and we’ll let you know how you can send stacks of money in order to purchase your very own set of teeth.