24 Days Til Christmas – Classic Song Interpretations

Wow, only two done and this is already hard!?  I thought this was supposed to be easy…

Well, as far as mistakes go, this was probably one of them…but two days into it and I promise to maintain my commitment to authentically interpreting what these songs would mean to a person of the time…someone like you right now…or just make up a bunch of historical inaccuracies and pass them off as fact.

The Christmas Song – more commonly known as ‘Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire’ offers up many tips for parents out there, so pay attention!

(chestnuts roasting on an open fire) The Christmas Song – As performed by Nat ‘King’ Cole

It’s cold.  Cold as shit.  Even with double layer trousers, seal skin pullover jacket, mukluk boots, and whaling harpoon – i can’t seem to shake off the shivers.  Huddled around a trash fire, thoughts of juicy mammal flesh run through my head as mealy little walnuts are tossed into the mittened palm of my hand.  And why do those fucking kids keep singing that same song over and over again!?  don’t they know another christmas carol!?

Kids are stupid.  Tell them a fat guy in a suit is gonna squeeze through the chimney with shiny wrapped gifts and they’ll shut the hell up for months.  But they’ve been cramming themselves with holiday cakes and cookies for days now and won’t ever get to sleep.  They want to sneak downstairs and catch you slipping that new bike under the tree that they haven’t quit begging you for.  If they knew that it was really you giving those gifts to them, they’d run you through the wringer with their incessant begging and whining and crying.  You’ll never hear the end of it.

So my suggestion to you is this, and you’ve heard it a million times before;  Put a shot of whiskey in the milk before the kids go to bed and they’ll sleep like infants.  passed out, drugged up babies.

and a chestnut is an ugly fruit anyway.

merry christmas.