How To Write A Letter Of Resignation

After five long years of loyal disservice, I have up and quit my job.  Congratulations to me.  There are many dark tunnels to explore in my future, so don’t come lookin!

And of course I include my alias on all of my official work documents.  One day I’m gonna have to pony up and use my real name, but I’m too afraid of the flocks of teenage women hurling their undergarments at me while I attempt to shop for farina and beer.