The Kirk/Crane Paradox

The Kirk/Crane Paradox.

Having been without television for the past few years, I feel I have really been missing out on important cultural phenomenon like such as: Lost or The American Office or The OC or Heroes. I honestly wouldn’t watch those shows anyway regardless of my access to television, but it doesn’t help that I don’t have one.

Well, now I do. A fine piece of oak grained furniture. 30 some inches of warm vacuum tube inspired glow. A welcome addition to any living room without a coffee table or something else to set drinks on.

I only get a few channels, most of which aren’t English language, mostly thanks to our resistance to cable and contract agreements. This setup leaves me sort of at the mercy of the syndication schedule. A show that seems to be on all the time is one of the many law dramas, and my personal favorite ‘Boston Legal’*. [favorite by default]

Watching a few episodes of this show got me to thinking [and I don’t claim ownership to this postulation as I’m pretty sure I’ve picked it up along the way] about whether or not William Shatner’s character in the show Denny Crane, has been in any way influenced by the original ‘Star Trek’ series.

The world that Boston Legal creates for us is identical to ours in every way, so it would be a shock to learn that the original Star Trek series [or films for that matter] haven’t even existed. What sort of paradox would we lose ourselves in if Denny Crane were to stumble upon ‘Wrath of Khan’ and see a younger version of himself as Admiral James T. Kirk shedding a tear as they fire Mr. Spock’s lifeless corpse off into the infinite depths of space? I mean, who would scoop up the brains and skull fragments embedded in the upholstery when his head exploded!?

Perhaps Crane embraces the similarities. Maybe he even takes advantage of the fact and capitalizes on big money costume contests around Halloween time. The possibilities would be endless! I mean, he would have the opportunity to abuse entirely too many women just by simply requesting to be ‘beamed up’.

Imagine the influence William Shatner’s career has had on you as an individual and tell me that his existence could be left unnoticed. I mean, the Family Guy references alone would leave you staggering!

So as you are sitting back in your easy [or plastic lawn if you’re anything like me]chair watching that Rescue 911 episode where the kid gets sucked into the escalator because his shoes were untied, think about where you’d be without old Bill. You would certainly be missing out on glorious things like this:


Oh Denny Crane…you significant bastard.  You’d shit yourself if you got that link in your email.