We’ve all learned a lot as we grow older…mostly about how we didn’t know SHIT when we were kids…and that as hard as I’d love to deny it…my parents were right?

rudolph the red nosed reindeer – gene autry

Your typical story of detested, ignored, disenfranchised freak of a youth cajoled into a life full of depression and hatred for his peers dives head first into a hobby or activity and engulfs himself in the world an outsider. Never being invited to parties and chosen last (if at all) for every team has allowed our young protagonist to develop a hardened callous to shield himself from the emotional (and sometimes physical) damage such a life is bound to deliver to him.

As our hero grows older and more awkward [full entry]

I always found the idea of Santa Claus to be a little off center…and listening to this song proves it with an almost word for word literal translation. Have fun damaging children!

santa claus is coming to town – bruce springsteen

an elderly obese man who lives in solitary up in a remote region of the earth with an enslaved race of tiny people – takes note of everything you do and everything you’ve done, watches you while you sleep, eat, and breathe – will be coming to your house late at night, crawl down your chimney and pass judgement on you while you sleep.

and you better leave him some goddamn cookies!

While Santa’s been busy making his list of Christmas songs and checking them twice for modern relevancy, the elves here at DownInTheWell have been busy in the workshop bring a special Christmas miracle to you, the fans. Fueled by caffeine, cigarettes, and cheap beer, they’ve putting in long hours and are pleased to announce, just in time for Christmas (but too late for Hanukkah), the DownInTheWell redesign!

[full entry]

I had this song on vinyl when i was a kid. I remember rocking it out on my Fischer Price record player along with my ‘Big Mac’ special sauce jingle record I got from Mcdonalds and an old ‘Mad’ sketch that I found in my grandfathers basement…some sort of flimsy insert that you must have gotten out of the back of the magazine, and the amazing part is it still works! One thing i distinctly remember about the chipmunks album though was that there were three grasshoppers on the cover rocking out in the palm of Dave’s hand? So here is the interpretation of those snotty little rodent’s song:

The Chipmunk Song – Alvin And The Chipmunks

chipmunks are the number one favorite food item of top tier predators when the snow covers the ground and things begin to freeze over. Wolves, hawks, eagles, foxes, owls, stoats, weasels, ferrets, wolverines, mongooses, coyotes, bobcats, lynx, house cats….everybody loves to eat chipmunks! These chipmunks pathetic little lives were spared from almost certain damnation and they show absolutely no respect.

Sure, they’re forced to sing against their will [full entry]

An attempt to simulate a Presidential document describing the crisis we’re all experiencing…it probably would have helped if I actually read one for authenticity…but I didn’t. (and I’m positive the president does not sign his official letters ‘The President’) Enjoy!!!

white christmas – bing crosby

a letter from the president of the united states:

Dear Americans,

I hope this holiday season has found you with warmth, joy, and positive thoughts. In the wake of the impending economic crisis we must pull from our very deepest parts to maintain an outlook of hope. We will pull ourselves from the debris of ruin, and dust ourselves off in order to move forward past this moment of darkness.

We regret to inform you [full entry]